Are You "Too Authentic?"

When the very women who should be lifting each other up become the guardians of conformity, and why authenticity is your greatest competitive advantage

She looked me straight in the eye and said it: "You're too authentic. You need to tone it down."

This wasn't some old-school male executive clinging to outdated leadership models. This was a successful female tech leader—someone who had climbed the ranks, broken barriers, earned her seat at the table.

And she was telling me that my authenticity was a problem.

In that moment, I realized something devastating: We've become so conditioned to fragment ourselves that we're now policing each other's wholeness.

The Authenticity Trap

Here's what "too authentic" meant in her world: I processed thoughts out loud in meetings. I used collaborative language like "I'm sensing" and "my intuition suggests." I openly integrated data insights with pattern recognition. I led with curiosity instead of certainty. I showed up as myself—completely, unapologetically, strategically.

And to her, this looked like weakness.

She had learned to succeed by mastering the code-switch so thoroughly that authenticity looked unprofessional. She had internalized the belief that strategic intelligence must be presented in traditional (read: masculine) frameworks to be taken seriously. She had become so skilled at fragmenting herself that she couldn't recognize integrated intelligence when she saw it.

So she did what the system had trained her to do: she strongly advised me to fragment, too.

The Crabs-in-a-Bucket Phenomenon

There's a cruel irony here. The women who have "made it" in tech often become the most ruthless enforcers of the very system that demands they sacrifice pieces of themselves to succeed. Like crabs scrambling to the top of a bucket, their single-minded focus pushes others down along the way.

They've paid the price of code-switching:  the exhaustion, the disconnection from their own wisdom, the constant performance of acceptable leadership. And instead of questioning the system that demanded that price, they demand that other women pay it, too.

"I had to tone down my authenticity to succeed, so you should too." "I had to learn to speak their language, so you need to as well." "I had to prove myself using their metrics, so stop trying to change the game."

It's not malicious. It's survival thinking. But it's perpetuating the exact fragmentation that's keeping the entire industry stuck in broken patterns.

What Authenticity Actually Creates

When I chose to ignore that advice and stay authentic, something remarkable happened.

My teams didn't lose respect for my leadership. They gained psychological safety.

When they watched me process thoughts out loud, they learned it was safe to think together instead of having to arrive at meetings with perfect answers.

When they heard me say "my intuition suggests we're heading toward a problem with this plan," they started sharing their own pattern recognition instead of waiting for problems to become data points.

When they saw me integrate metrics with ethical considerations, they began bringing more of their complete intelligence to strategic conversations.

The result? We moved faster, not slower. We innovated more boldly, not more cautiously. We prevented expensive failures because people felt safe sharing insights before they could be empirically "proven."

The Superpower of Integrated Intelligence

Authenticity isn't about being emotional or unprofessional. It's about using your complete intelligence instead of fragmenting it to fit outdated, narrow definitions of leadership.

When you lead authentically in tech, you:

Make better decisions faster. You're integrating data insights with pattern recognition, analytical thinking with ethical considerations, growth metrics with human wisdom. That's more complete information, not less strategic thinking.

Build psychological safety. When teams see you showing up whole, they bring more of their intelligence, too. Innovation thrives in environments where people can fearlessly share breakthrough ideas without having to defend them with existing data.

Prevent expensive failures. Your intuitive pattern recognition often spots problems before they appear in metrics. Teams that feel safe sharing those insights prevent disasters instead of reacting to them.

Create sustainable growth. Authentic leaders naturally balance short-term metrics with long-term impact because they're not suppressing the part of their intelligence that considers consequences.

Attract and retain talent. People want to work for leaders who create space for complete intelligence. Authenticity becomes a competitive advantage in recruiting.

The Ripple Effect We Need

Every time you choose authenticity over code-switching, you create permission for others to do the same.

Every time you use collaborative language in strategic conversations, you normalize integrated intelligence.

Every time you share pattern recognition that can't be proven yet, you demonstrate that insights without spreadsheets have strategic value.

Every time you lead with your complete wisdom instead of fragmenting it to fit outdated, traditional leadership models, you show other women they don't have to sacrifice pieces of themselves to succeed.

The Support We Owe Each Other

We cannot keep perpetuating the system that fragments us.

When you see a woman leader using collaborative language, don't suggest she "streamline" her communication. Ask what she's noticing that you might be missing.

When you hear a colleague share pattern recognition without hard data, don't dismiss it as invalid. Explore what insights she's picking up that could inform your strategy.

When you watch a leader integrate ethics with metrics, don't label it risky or unrealistic. Recognize it as the kind of long-term thinking that builds sustainable organizations.

We must stop being the guardians of our own oppression.

The Truth About "Too Authentic"

There's something beautiful about knowing that the highest possible frequency you can emit is authenticity. That you really are the magic. That the key to unlocking miracles is found through staying true to yourself and radiating your own unique, divinely created light.

The only thing life has ever asked of you is that you come as you are.

Just being you was always enough.

And in tech—where we desperately need leaders who can integrate wisdom with innovation, ethics with growth, human insight with technological advancement—your authenticity isn't too much.

It's exactly what we've been missing.

The Choice

You can keep fragmenting yourself to fit systems that are producing the wrong results.

Or you can trust that your complete intelligence:  analytical AND intuitive, strategic AND collaborative, metric-driven AND wisdom-centered—is precisely what the industry needs to build technology that serves humanity instead of exploiting it.

The woman who told me I was "too authentic" was wrong about one thing: The problem wasn't my authenticity.

The problem was a system that had convinced her that authenticity was unprofessional.

Don't let that system fragment you. Don't let it use you to fragment others.

Come as you are. Lead with your complete intelligence. Show the industry what integrated thinking can create.

The world needs your authentic leadership more than it needs your perfect performance.

And once you stop fragmenting yourself, you can't go back to anything less than whole.